Master Chief
Versus (churches)
The good word isn't good enough anymore for the Pastors trying to reach our young people these days. The message of Jesus and those little WWJD bracelets just aren't cool enough to bring people in on their own. All is not lost, however, cause the good ol' lord gave us Halo. I don't even know where to start with this one. To be honest with you I'm on the side of the religious conservatives on this one. You have to practice what you preach, a message Ted Haggard never learned (He'd probably be a proponent of this new movement too.). When you become a Christian, you must give up some things that bring happiness to those who don't practice. A Christian is going to heaven, where he or she has all eternity to indulge in those great things that they have been deprived of in this life. But like many Americans, I'm probably not going to this great place for eternity so I am forced to cram all these great things into one very short lifetime. The ability to get drunk and cuss; to have hot passionate sex on a first date; to eat whatever I want whenever I want; and, obviously, the systematic slaughter of a virtual race. These things aformentioned are my religion, my heaven, and my happiness in my existence with no eternal bliss at the end of the road. So, I take offense when one of these great indulgences is threatened with a religious takeover. It's not fair. Those of us not burdened with heaven are in the constant pursuit of those like us that enjoy these great things. Christians get heaven and were burdened with hell, so they're already favored by like 100 points. We have everything that is illegal in God's eyes, but is really actually very fun in practice (what I like to call "the balance"). It's no heaven, but it's a hell of a good time. The religious takeover of the Halo franchise really puts a crimp in our recruiting policy over on this side of the mountain. I mean, I'm trying to tell my little Catholic brother how awesome cussing like a sailor and having premarital safe sex is, but on the other side their offering him teenage crack cocaine, Halo 3 tournaments at church. Ass holes. So, now he doesn't have to make the decision, it's already made for him. His eternal bliss is preserved and he can still systematically slaughter multiple alien species, which is almost as good as sex. So, I'm crying bullshit, it's all the sex without the pregnancy. It's the best of both worlds, but it is upsetting the balance that gives meaning to my life and the lives of my brothers and sisters trying to get theirs now instead of later.
see the featured article at this NYT website:
5 comments:
I have often envisioned a young dithyrambic Jibosiac walking beneath high ionic peristyles, looking toward a horizon defined by pure and noble lines, seeing on either hand the glorified reflections of two separate paths.
Eclipsed by this ordered beauty rests the painful memory that he himself constructed a temple divided.
Jibosiac, you are going to heaven. You'll even get to use the 1st class line, which is a lot faster than the normal one.
i like the image of a young jibosiac compsing dithyrambs 'neath ionic peristyles. The post, and its grappling with the issue of eternal bliss over corporeal pleasure, is strangely poignant.
Who is Tara?
Thank you,
I don’t really know why I decided to fishtail outside of our collective “new york times approach” but I was feeling kind of mushy.
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